I know it’s not just me, but numbers follow me everywhere.
17 minutes until homeroom starts.
Take attendance, are 28 kids here?
Count the eighth notes, 1+ 2+ 3+ 4+.
How many calories does MyFitnessPal say I should eat? 1770? 1830? 1250?
What time is my appointment? 4:15.
So I have 50 minutes to nap.
Try on the size 12 pants, too small.
Try on the size 14, okay.
Load up the barbell, squat clean 80 pounds.
3 rounds for time, 15 lateral burpees over bar, 7 squat cleans.
I want to go for a max snatch on Sunday, can I hit 100#? Or 90? Or 85?
My lowest weight in the past 5 or 6 years: 157.
My highest weight in the past 5 or 6 years: 190. ish. Maybe 195. I didn’t really subject myself to the scale.
My weight now: 188? 186? I haven’t checked since school started, I can’t worry about it right now.
I never experienced the whole, “I’m not losing weight but my clothes still fit” saga that I read about in other blogs. I know I’ve gained weight, I know some of it is fat, but I know some of it HAS to be muscle. I can wear a size 12 jeans at Old Navy, which run big anyway, but when I was at my biggest, I would wear a size 16 or 18 at the same store. When I think of it that way-okay, great. I’m not perfect, I have some things to fix, but it’s okay.
Then, like a light switch, I go from the positive to-OH MY GOD WHEN I WAS 188 I WAS A BEACHED WHALE. (**Disclaimer, because it’s the internet and everybody gets offended by everything-I’m saying this comment about ME SPECIFICALLY, not the weight in general. 188 looks and feels different on every person.**)
But…I know 188 now isn’t 188 from back then. I;m still a smaller size at the same store. My face doesn’t look as chunky in pictures. The progress pictures I have from 2011 clearly show that I do not look the same now.
But it’s a total mind &*$%.
I’m trying not to let the numbers get me down. I’m trying to eat healthier without counting calories, because it’s clearly not sustainable (for me). I’m trying to get to CrossFit at least 3 days a week, even when work makes me feel beat. I’m going to be eating more raw foods. Why not? It’s easy, and tastes good.
Why did I bother with this post? Because I didn’t really think gaining muscle and not seeing the scale change, or seeing the scale go up, was going to happen to me. I didn’t really consider how hard it is to build muscle AND lose fat at the same time, at least for an average/below average CrossFitter. I lift WAY MORE, as in frequency and number of pounds, than I ever have before. I also weigh more than I have in the past 3 years.
I LOVE being able to front squat 205. I love that I can clean and jerk 125. I’m still an incredibly slow runner, but I can enter a 5 mile race and run it in an hour without any running training other than CrossFit.
I have a lot of work to do. But I can’t forget about all the work I have done, and have the capacity to do.
1 more day of school before the weekend.
4 day week next week.
1 piano lesson to teach tomorrow.
99 days til Christmas.
21-15-9 rep scheme for the WOD tomorrow.
I have to use the numbers to my advantage. I can’t let them get me down.